Welp, I cut it all off. Almost all of it at least. Most of it I would say. The majority of it is in the trash can in the Great Clips hair cuttery in Aiken, SC. Mixed in with some old people’s grey hair and those little neck pieces they put on your neck. No longer will I be able to stroke it, or groom it, or brush it or twirl it. It, is no more, for the most part. For the little part it is still there, but not in all its glory that it was before.
It is not my beard though. Hell no! No SHave Never ya’ll! It is my beautiful, brown flowing locks of glorious hair. IT, has been cut. The Battle of Beard V Beardess was won decisively. But the Battle of the Hair V Beardess was ended in a tie, with probably a small loss to me, considering I can not wear a bun anymore.
I went to Great Clips, with Baby Gurr. I kind of thought my hair stylist would snip a little here and there, taking her time, basking in the glory which was my thick, luscious, long curly hair. But nope! She brushed that shit out, grabbed all she could and in one and one half snips of the scissors, it fell to the floor. Slow motion in real life does not exist, they say, whomever they are. Well, it did today ya’ll. As I watched the locks of lusciousness flutter down upon the ground, like leaves falling out of a century old oak tree fall during a brisk fall wind, I saw my days of hiding my neck hair disappear. I will now have to be diligent with keeping my Teen Wolf cut.
The stylist, did not blink an eye as she lopped off lock after lock. At times, even smiling and joking, she tried to act as if she did not enjoy the dream killing she was producing. No sympathy what-so-ever.
I did make sure to make it known, so that she would know, I would not be paying her if a single beard hair was harmed.
Baby Boy (Beardlet) is due on April 28. We do not have a name yet. The Beardess is not happy about it either. Picking names for a child is hard. Really difficult to be exact. I like the name Levi Garrett. That got shot down after a quick Google search by the Beardess. Sebastian, a name I have been trying to name anything that needed naming since forever, nixed! Denim Plaid, nope. Arn, negative. I was given an ultimatum, that tonight we will have a name. So now instead of working on improving my Fantasy Football squads, I have to go narrow down a list of names. If ya’ll have never had to name a child, the list of names are endless. In the spirit of being a Peace, War, and Defense Major, from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, I will go pull out my war books and get some great warrior names. Hercules, Alexander, Darius (duh-rye-us), Apollo Creed, and one of my favorites Colonel Sanders.
Forties you say? Well, they are delicious. But they are hard to find around here. I guess the college students at USC-Aiken do not partake of their glory enough to warrant a gas station selling them. Damn shame too. But it is NFL combine time and forties are important for that.
Well. I am done. I am going to be diligently diligent at trying to post once a week at least on here. But we will see how that goes. I have fans to hang, light switches and plugs to change, cars to wash, a garden to plant, and work. Once this little baby boy gets here though, I will be free of many of those things for three weeks. Poopy diapers ya’ll. They are coming back.
No SHave Never!