A Beard’s Friday So Far

Posted: January 25, 2013 in Family, Humor, Life
Tags: , , , , ,

It is Friday, almost 2 O’clock. So far today has been productive and interesting. I cooked french toast from homemade sourdough. We went to Bed Bath and Beyond and got some cool shit, bed sheets included. Lowes Home Improvement, some more cool shit and a magnetic pouch for holding nuts, bolts, screws, and the like.

First thing this morning, I get up, at 6 AM because thats what I do, I’m country. Feed the dog, cats and make my coffee. Five minutes into checking my email on the iPad and drinking my piping hot delicious coffee, I hear a weird but familiar sound. This sound strikes me in a way that makes me feel like something is about to happen and not in a good way. I know this sound, and I know its not something good. After approximately one minute, I figure out what this sounds is. The damn count is about to throw up all it’s breakfast somewhere in my vicinity. It’s dark and the light switch is on the other side of the up chuck zone. Asshole, was on the tile but threw up on the carpet.

This leads me to the next story, a few hours later in the day. I go outside to get some firewood. Come back in, make my fire and think, “hey Stoney is outside. Let me go let that birthday boy in.” So I let Ole Stoney Dean in, pet him on the head, grab up the iPad, sit down, take a sip of beer and hear it. It sounds like a toilet that is stopped up, being unstopped up, when that burst of air is allowed in the pipe when that clog is released and the poo begins to flow. Ya’ll know what I’m talking about. Cause we all done clogged and plunged a poop shack. So, this sound resonates through my ears and before I can safely move the iPad out of the beer spill zone, the clog unclogs, in my dogs stomach. Yep, cot damn dog done ate round bale worth of grass. You guessed it too, threw up two inches from the tile, onto the carpet.

Irregardless (some of y’all might catch it) of how terrible this day sounds like it has been for me, I have been quite satisfied with it. I got a two plus pound can of mixed nuts for 9.99. Thats a awesome deal. Got me a new pilla. Sitting beside a fire. Ate sausage this morning. Got me a new chemical sprayer. And drinking beerses.

So this afternoon I am racking some wine and drinking more beers. Baby Gurr is gonna be up in about an hour, and we gonna watch some Spongebob until momma gets home. Cause she does not like Spongebob.

Ya’ll stay tuned. More is probably to come later. Thinking about making some coosies, No Shave Never coosies. What say yins? I love coosies, that’s a different story I will share later.

Anyone know what this is?


No Shave Never

Paul Heyooo

  1. paulheels says:

    I don’t know. It’s uncanny though.


  2. how do dogs always manage to make messes on the one place there’s carpet….?


  3. rebecca2000 says:

    My hair follicles might hate me but I look rocking. Jason might hate me. ;)


  4. paulheels says:

    Hell nawl! No hiney beads allowed. EVER. No shave Never and no hiney beads EVEEEEEERRRRRRRR’


  5. paulheels says:

    Your hair follicles hate you. Getting up at one, because you have to proof and make Jason rewrite his sole blog post ten times. I can dig that.

    The shaving though, never.


  6. Sandi Ormsby says:

    bracelets on a hanging thiny or “adult store” related item? Kinky.


  7. rebecca2000 says:

    Look like a couple of bracelets or a necklace hanging on a stand. I wake up at 1 and I shave… We are so different. ;)


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