Beards and Endless Uses

Posted: January 25, 2013 in Family, Humor, Life, Random
Tags: , , , , ,

It’s Friday morning, 24 degrees outside and I’m loving it. I do not have to work today, being the best reason for loving this wonderful crisp humid brisk cold ass morning. Literally, I love this shit. Most southerners are mad, angry, pissed, scared, whining, confused, bum-fuddled and/or confused. Not me, I am happy, joyous, comfortable and most importantly not sweating.

I sweat like there is no tomorrow after the the sun has risen on the day in which tomorrow was tomorrow only yesterday. In the sultry summers of South Carolina, I go through socks and T shirts. Not just go through them daily, usually I have to throw away three to four pair a month and buy new, because I sweat death to cotton.

Most people look at my hair and beard and see glorious awesomeness. In the summer time, the question I get asked the most is; “How do you wear that beard in this hear?” Here is a little lesson, that I am going to teach you about how drink machines and air conditioners work. There is a thing called an evaporator. This is what the freon flows through. There are fins surrounding the main line. Air is pushed across the evaporator, creating a cooling effect, which in turns creates cool air.

This is an evaporator.


My beard acts the same way as an evaporator. When sweat fills my face, my beard becomes wet, when I walk or the wind blows, a cooling effect is created. It’s also a great sunblock. None of that smelly ass sunscreen on my face, making me all sticky and shit. Yet another reason why beards are one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself. So much awesomeness and usefulness the beard provides.

This is why my heart brakes every time I see someone shave their beard because it’s summer time. These folks just do not know how beneficial that beard can be to them in the heat of the summer. The association between beards and heat retention in the winter time, has made people blind to how great of a cooling mechanism the beard is in the summer.

It’s my dog’s birthday today, Stoney. He is three years old. We have a fun filled day for him planned. A trip to Pet Smart, I might even let him sit in front of the cat adoption window. He will probably go by the guinea pig pen and he can lick the glass.

Balls up. Good times.


No Shave Never


  1. paulheels says:

    Haha! Yes. It is.


  2. Sandi Ormsby says:

    Awesome! hahahah! I just had to show my hubby…and he said “Don’t forget to let Stoney sniff a stranger’s ass.” That’s partying!


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