Beards, Crowds, Strollers and Churrins Who Hopefully Wipe Their Own Asses

Posted: March 1, 2013 in Family, Humor, Life
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

20130301-193022.jpg Start this off right.

This post will be somewhat longer than usual. I know ya’ll probably skim through most of what I write anyway, that is why I try to keep them short. Do yourself a favor and do not be an asshole and read all this. It will be awesome. I will have pictures for those of you heathens who can not read, atleast try, this is America.

20130301-192915.jpg Free Krispy Kreme and cheeses.

This morning, we had to attend a timeshare presentation at a Hilton place. We went, ate Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and got presented. We have never been to one of these things, but just like most others, we have heard the horror stories. Our “tour guide” Margarit was a nice lady with a very short dress on. The Beardess pointed that out to me. Blah blah blah, through all the typical saleslady “try to get to know you on a personal level and make you feel bad about me in some way and us try to feel as though we owe you something for you telling us we are supposed to be here”. When she said we can go look at the numbers and buy today, I said “nah, thats not going to happen”. She said then that the packages start at 10k-50k. I said hell no. She talking bout I been at my job so long we should be well off. I said we are well off cause we don’t buy 10k worth of shit because you said it would be fun. And I work for the US government, that definitely does not make us well off. She walked away, as we sat alone, we noticed EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON had their tour guide with them. Except us! Never saw her again, another guy came and talked to us then sent us on our way out.

SUCCESS!

20130301-192817.jpg Get me up outta here yo.

Today was the first day of vacation at the wonderful Walt Disney World. For those of you who do not know or get them mixed up, Disney World is in Florida, Disney Land is in California. World is way more betterer.

As you would imagine, there were a great deal of folks from all over the world at Animal Kingdom, the attraction we visited today. It is fairly easy to spot the Europeans, because the women all have on yoga pants, and the men have Donald Trump haricuts. The women, have on spandex everything else also, not just pants. It’s awesome.

Stroller etiquette. Not sure if any of you know what stroller etiquette is, I will tell you. If you have a stroller you do not have to have any etiquette. Because most of the assholes around you in a crowd setting, like Disney World, lose all couth that humanity was given by the couth gods. People would cut me off, I would keep my pace and line, they would run into stroller, turn around be all like “what bitch, watch where you going stroller pusher……” then actually see this

20130301-193640.jpg and be like “awe shit, why did I look, turn away! Turn Away! Gotta go faster away, faster away!”.

Bums.

I also found out why churrins now a days are growing up lazy as hell. There were people, of the age in which I know damn well they are wiping their own asses, being pushed around by their parents in strollers. These kids are big enough to be pushing their parents. I’m not telling people how to raise their youngins, but when they start wiping, unassisted, I damn for sure am not pushing them in a stroller. Hell NO! Lazy!

I’m not even mad at all either. I just have a good time with it. Much fun so it is.

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Arriving by a gas powered automobile, we call the Toyota Camry (maybe they will see this and pay me) to the Disney World. Oh Joy!

20130301-194316.jpg Animal Kingdom

20130301-194337.jpg

The Beardess and Baby Gurr entering the wild animal kingdom. It was cool. I will not lie though. All I could think about, was how awesome it would be if shit went all Jurassic Park in here. I had my little pocket knife and with the knowledge I gained from Dual Survival on Discovery Channel, I would have made so many people real life survivors up in there. This primal caveman look I got has purpose people, real life purpose.

20130301-195632.jpg McBee folk will know.

This next series of photos will encompass nearly two hours of good times. Petting zoo, happy, happy, happy and…….Out!

20130301-200746.jpg

20130301-200802.jpg That there people, for those of you who might not know, is a real live, in person phone that you use COINS to power the talk button. No shit ya’ll, it is actually powered by coins, not the sun or a battery, COINS.

We made our way to the character lunch, where Baby Gurr would get to eat and have pictures made with real life Disney characters. We were not sure how this would go. She loves the characters on Mickey Mouse Club House, but in real life? It went like we thought it would, pure fear and terror. But we made it through with some awesome “get the the F outta here you terrible parents, what are you doing to me!” Lookie here.

20130301-201939.jpg Progression- ooh Mickey- hell no, save me! – ooh Goofey – Hell no you crazy ass woman, told you once, don’t be handing me to these crazy ass people, let me fly away!

20130301-202207.jpg She finally napped

20130301-202231.jpg Action shot on the slide.

The day was a grand success. Baby Gurr had a great time, which in turn made us happy. Tomorrow should be even more fun.

Tomorrow is the day we go to Magic Kingdom and I get to take pictured with princesses while hugging. Heyyyooo.

Enjoy folks. This blog post is brought to you by Big Flats Premium Beer 1901 Lager Beer

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If you need to catch up on yesterday’s news, Click this right here!

No SHave Never

Paul

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  1. [...] Beards, Crowds, Strollers and Churrins Who Hopefully Wipe Their Own Asses [...]

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