Beards Allergic Allergies, Day Light Savings and Harmonized Harmonicas

Posted: March 13, 2013 in Humor
Tags: , , , , ,

The long arms of sleep unwrapped their tight grip against my furry body at about 3:58 this morning. Not because I had to be up, no alarms, I just got up. I sit, staring at the night colored ceiling where the fan spins, wafting the cool air towards me.

I like waking up early. It is good for the soul.

But this stupid, antiquated Day Light Savings time bull shit, messes my morning up bout as bad a waitress spilling cold sweet tea in your plate of grits, sausage and eggs. Now that is pretty damn bad too.

I mean, I look forward to the light sneaking across the power line right of way to my back door, allowing me to peer out into the yonder spotting my friend the blue bird, as he soars towards his man made home we call the blue bird box.

But not now, at least for another month. Nope, it is dark. This is no good for country folk, you know, people who wanna get shit done in the morning before it gets so hot, the sweat that leaks from your pores melts off the clothes on your back and fills your shoes with hot body juice.

I ain’t a worrying bout it too much though. Get to drink me an extra couple cups of coffee. Watch a couple shows, catch up on some celebrity gossip, stare at the weather and most importantly I get to spend a little more time brushing the awesomeness into my beard.

Just met a fella, who plays the harmonica. This is something I have been wanting to do for a few years. I am gonna start playing now.

Can’t wait for turkey season to come in. This will be year four that I have cleaned my hunting shit, practiced scratching my turkey call, and not even stepped a foot into the wonderful woods.

Went to the Caterpillar place yesterday. It was awesome. There are quite a many beard growers there. They have a bunch of toys too. I go to a happy place when I am there. It is awesome that at a happy place, you can be so happy that you go to a happier happy place.

Lemme tell y’all, Justified is bad ass television show and I like it.

Planting my garden this weekend. This is going to be awesome. Good homegrown vegetables. And corn, lots of sweet delicious corn.

Any of ya’ll play the harmonica? I am excited about this.

I just looked out the damn door and you know what I see, not a damn thing, because it is still dark! Some bullshit.

For those of you who do not know, this is the early pollen season down here in many parts of the South. This means that it’s also the start of allergy season for many of us poor souls who’s bodies have succumbed to sensitization of Mother Nature because we are becoming pansied assholes.

I look outside again, it is almost 6:30, and still dark, damn it.

Gotta go to the Walmart and get me a cheap harmonica because I am gonna start playing that thing.

Gonna go cook me an egg, warm up some bbq and eat me a pulled pork, egg, cheese breakfast wrap.

Still dark outside.

No SHave Never.

Paul

Comments
  1. paulheels says:

    I can’t believe he forgot one of the most important processes in beard care. Blasphemy!

    Get his ass back on track, us mean and Beards rely on women to keep us straight, most of the time.

  2. paulheels says:

    Thanks for the link. I will definitely check that out. I will have to be selective on when to play. Thanks!

  3. kerbey says:

    I KNEW there was something that my husband had forgotten to do; brush awesomeness into his beard. No wonder things have felt off lately. Thanks for the reminder.

  4. Mancakes says:

    Sporadic, opportunistic boyfriend plays harmonica in the truck on road trips… it’s super cool. Even if he isn’t. You have to get a collection of different harps, apparently. We go to this public house here in Oregon to watch this AMAZING old blues harp guy, check him out: http://www.arthurmoorebluesharp.com/Arthur_Moore/vids.html

  5. paulheels says:

    They conspired against you. They won. Ben Franklin and Mother Nature can be A Holes.

  6. rebecca2000 says:

    I don’t like it either plus I got a cold on the same day. I think it hates me.

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