That Bird Outside My Window Woke Me Up.

Posted: May 27, 2013 in Humor
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

So I woke up this morning. Pretty damn early. It’s my day off. But a bird did not wake me up this morning.

My sinuses were stopped up because some plant decided to pollinate and my body thought it a good idea to let me know about it.

I am not sure what I am going to do this morning. Maybe go wash one of the cars. They are dirty.

I do know, we are going to the zoo this morning, the Beardess and Baby Gurr, and I or me, one of those two words, which’n it doesn’t not matter the much because I do not have to be held down creatively by grades in writing anymore, not never no more. I bet ya’ll had to go back and read that sentence once or twice more.

If you even read this shit, I do not know. Maybe one day I will have a prize to give out and the clue will be in the writing. Off topic, never mind…

Most people see waking up early as a curse upon their soul. I enjoy getting up early. Because I am not a bum.

As I sit here drinking my piping hot cup of one of the world’s oldest forms of “money” called Seven Monkey Fury, it’s a local bean shop’s brand of coffee and it is deeeelicious. I listen to the sprinkler as it rotates from one side of the yard to the other. I have to have the back door open, so I can listen to the sprinkler, because like so many things I buy, it never works properly. The damn thing gets stuck in position and ends up watering one section of grass for thirty minutes.

We just planted sod a few weeks ago and I am trying to keep that shit alive, since someone associated with the rain making department decided it would be awesome to stop the rain down here yonder ways.


This here is the Beardess and Baby Gurr getting a lesson in sod laying.

Ya’ll looka here. I got an idea on how to solve so much obesity here in the country. First learn how to grow your own shit to eat. Second, learn how to take care of the shit you grow to eat on your own. Third, people need to wake their lazy asses up early and go tend the damn garden.

KAPOW! Eating healthier and people are doing some damn M A N U A L labor.

Waking up early, sitting outside with a cup of your favoritest whatever the hell you like to drink, listening to the chirping of the birds with no TV or computer or Ipad is like a shot of Five Hour Energy infused with some methamphetamines. Do not wake up every morning because of that bird chirping outside your window, angry. Get your bum ass up and go sit outside and enjoy that bird.

That bird is obviously happier than you are, because it’s up at the crack ass of dawn singing a song joy. While you lie in bed angry.

Well, now. I have written a bunch of gibberish of the usual variety that I usually tend to write. As you can see, my life is of little entertainment when Baby Gurr is not part of my everyday activities. When Baby Gurr and me get together, we be who we be, because being who we be is how we be who we gonna be.

I will now go wash a car before the our trip to the zoo. Where I will attempt high fives with all the animals.

No SHave Never1

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