Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

Beard and Beardess Anniversary Weekend

Posted: May 20, 2013 in Family, Humor
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This past weekend was a Baby Gurr free weekend for the Beardess and me. It was our 5th anniversary since our pledge to be love partners and not share a bank account with anyone else but each other.

I remember that day like it was five years ago. I was a beardless, fine ass looking man back then in those there days when I did not have the beard.

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Yep, that fine ass handsome son of a bitch fella right there beside my wife is me. Now ya’ll see why I had to grow a beard. After that ring loopdy ooped onto my left ring finger on May 17, 2008, I became absolutely irresistible to women. I had to grow the beard out to hide this gorgeousness.

Guys who want to grow a beard. The first thing you have to get your wife to accept is acceptance of the beard.

The last time I looked this cot damn handsome was at 10:04 May 17, 2008.

Ya’ll know how everyone says that the sight of the bride is supposed to take your breath away? Well if you attended our wedding, you got your breath taken away twice. Once from my beautiful bride and the next from my beautifully sculpted glimmering beardless face.

I still remember this dance right here. I surely do, I remember the shit out of it. It was our wedding night, the night of our wedding during the reception which was after the wedding. We had food and alcohol. And a DJ, some people came. It was a wedding.

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We decided to head out to the Low Country of South Carolina for an abbreviated weekend, that means short for people with beards. The Low Country is the lower part of South Carolina, where food is divine, people are usually from there and only locals can actually tolerate the summers with little toleration.

Beaufort, SC was our destination. A small, quiet, quaint, little metropolis somewhat a few miles or so south of the bustling city of Charleston, SC. It was grand. We stayed at the Beaufort Inn, which was gorgeous. We ate food at a few places down there in the downtown area, close there by the bay where the water is, and a bridge.

The Confederate Jasmine is in full bloom down in the Low Country right now. It is worth a plane flight down there just to sit and drink some whiskey, beer, wine or sparkling Perrier water.

Happy 5 Years of anniversary to my beautiful bride of five years, from May 17, 2008. The Beardess. She is quiet side and my sane side. I love you!

Also, happy anniversary to the beard from the last five years. I will shave my eyebrows before you.

Ya’ll No SHave Never

Happy Mother’s Day to Beard Mommas

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Family, Humor
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Today is Mother’s Day. What a grand day today is. The day churrins get to celebrate their mothers. The day husbands get to help their, under the age of 15, churrins celebrate their mothers.

I would like to wish my momma a Happy Mother’s Day.

I want to wish my wife, the Beardess, a Happy Mother’s Day, from Adurey, the Baby Gurr.

Mother’s Day is a day where mommas can sit back and relax. No worries about Sunday lunches, no cleaning clothes, no running to the grocery store, it is all a day of peace and relaxation. Daddies take care of the children for the day.

This day of relaxation is a small reminder to mothers that there still is a place called sanity, and she is welcome for a tease once a year.

There have been times where I have thought that we should change Mother’s Day for our momma. Instead of Happy Mother’s Day, it will be Happy Mother’s Rehabilitation and Physical Therapy Day.

Today, on this Mother’s Day, my momma sits at home with a broken Tibia, or Fibula, I can not remember which one. No big deal ya’ll, do not worry. She is fine. It was a minor spiral break around the ankle area on her non-kicking leg. Recovery should be about 6 weeks. She was ordered to wear a walking boot for those six weeks, instead of a cast.

It is obvious the doctor did not know who he was talking to. That cast would have been permanent, I want to see how long that boot stays on.

This broken bone thing is not a new thing for momma. Neither is hospital visits.

I am going to try to highlight some of the events momma has accumulated. I will also incorporate my sister Emily’s “Amazing Escapades of Daring Hospital Visits”, because her and my momma are pretty much in a battle for emergency room infamy.

As I said before, momma broke one of those bones down near the ankle. Walking to her car, she stepped off the curb, because it was dark out, and somehow managed to incorporate her foot into a storm drain, in such a manner that the force of impact manipulated the bone so that a crack formed, separating bone from bone, minor injury.

About this same time, Emily, my sister, was dealing with a spider bite, that had just got infected. She was promptly admitted to the hospital for treatment. She ended up with a knot about the size of a baseball on her arm, staph infection, and the rare opportunity to possibly have her arm sliced open for draining! They did not have to open and drain.

Emily about chopped her hand off trying to trim hedges with a hatchet. Yes, trimming bushes, with a hatched.

Momma broke her hip, no shes not 80 or above. This was quite a few years ago. I know, how do you break a hip under the age of 80? She blames Crocs. Those delightfully comfortable plastic open-toed shoes/sandals. But yes, that happened.

There have been surgeries, casts, needles, heart machines, Momma having to use homemade sign language for a month, wheelchairs, walkers, and many more things.

Just about every Mother’s Day that rolls around, my first words after Happy Mother’s Day are, “How’s it healing or How’s therapy?”.

On this Mother’s Day I wish my momma a Happy Mother’s Day. Take it easy and heal up. I got you and Emily a joint gift, share as needed. It is a bubble. Use it wisely.

Follow me on Twitter @paulheels

No SHave Never

Another Beard and Baby Gurr Day

Posted: May 6, 2013 in Family, Humor
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Today, this Monday of May 6. Yes ya’ll it is another Baby Gurr and Beard adventurous day of adventuring.

I do not know what today holds in store for us, but I do know that we are cooking bbq.
These days are some of the most fun days I have. Baby Gurr is beginning to understand that I operate a little differently than the Beardess. It is funny to watch how she approaches us for certain things in completely different manners.
One of the best is when she wants a snack. I am a snacker, I am all for snacking. The Beardess, not so much. I have strict rules I am to follow in regards to snacking. I follow them to the best of my memory. I do make sure her snacks her healthy. I also make sure they are small in size and once she is done, there are no more.
My uncanny knack for choosing mismatching clothes is a strength I take quite seriously. This gift is a direct result of my lack of color sightedness. Lack of color sightedness, in dads, is a serious threat to all young girls and their ability to be dressed properly, in accordance with today’s society’s definition of “properly”.
Today I was able to reach a milestone in regards to getting Baby Gurr ready. I was able to put her hair in a “bun”, term to be used lightly. And she didn’t even cry.
Here is proof.
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That dress still had tags on it, so I hope I do not get into trouble. Luckily the draws associated with the dress were still connected to the dress, otherwise the draws would have not matched. Some of ya’ll might be confused right now with this word “draws”.
Another milestone we reached today. Baby Gurr helped me get the EGG started for some delicious bbq. The day she goes out and fires up the EGG to cook her own meat, is the day I quit my job and we start cooking out of a food trailer.
Quick question. How the hell do ya’ll get these hairbows to stay in the damn hair?
A congratulation to my cousin Kerry and her husband Blake on the new addition to their home. A little baby Gurr of their own, Lily Kate.
Since so much has already happened today, and it’s only 930, stay tuned. We haven’t even left the house yet.

Heyyyooo.

Follow me on the Twitter @paulheels

No SHave Never

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