Archive for the ‘Life’ Category

So I have had these two 55 gallon steel drums for two years.  For two years, they have set open side down, upon two old concrete pavers, so that Mother Nature’s elements would not fill them and expedite the greatest fear of all metals, rust.  My sole plan with these two glorious containers which used to carry oil, was to create and Ugly Drum Smoker, or UDS as it will be referred to from here on out. (more…)

Ok ya’ll.  Having a boy in the house has been all I have ever dreamed.  This little guy is a farting, peeing, pooping machine!  I can not wait until the fart contests begin, by that, I mean me pooting and him getting the blame.  I mean, what good is a man having a baby around, if you can not blame your wind events on the baby?

Speaking of wind events fueled by human gaseous build up, forced upon the world of the breathing by shear will and force of nature. That cot damn hospital food gave me the poots bad enough, I almost had to start naming them.  Kind of like how The Weather Channel now names every little natural event.  “Oh my god! a cloud just produced rain over Southern Florida! We have to name it you guys, otherwise, no one will know that it happened. Oh, and send Jim Cantore down there, so we can fear monger all those folks into thinking the world is ending. READY!! break!”

Anwho.  This little baby boy is amazing.  He loves boobs already! What a man! Ya know what.  Baby Gurr loving boobs was not so exciting.  But Baby Carter being a fan of the boobs, now that is awesome.  Must be a guy thing.  All guys know that guy things are the best things, and those things are the things that make us guys like those things.  Simple logic ya’ll.

Looka here.  This little man has pee for days.  I drink a gallon and a half of water a day, and I do not think I can pee this much! Diaper bill is rising with each and every blink of the eye.

We go outside and listen to the birds in the morning, while I have a cup of coffee.  Won’t be but about three more years before he can drink some coffee with me outside, in the mornings.  WOW!

Baby Gurr has been a super duper great big sister so far.  She still can’t change a diaper though.  Bum.

Stoney has been awesome too.  He knows now to give kisses, but he loves to come sniff Carter.

The cats, well they don’t even give a shit.  Because, cats……..

Draft Starts tomorrow.  Iffin you have no idea what I am talking about, then do not worry about it unless you want to worry about it, then read my next post and get educated!

Beer ya’ll, whiskey first.

No SHave Never


The Beardlet is here y’all. He came out screaming and pissed at 12:19 PM, on May 1, 2014. May Day.
Speaking of May Day, why isn’t that a holiday?

Carter Oliver Roberts weighed in at 7lbs 6ozs. I’ve still caught bass bigger than both my churrins. So I win!
This first picture is shortly after he left the cozy, carefree world of the Beardess’ womb. He was not happy about this. Though. I had a friend say that “that’s the face everyone makes the first time they meet me”. Hahahahahahahahahaha.


Baby Gurr was super excited to meet Carter. But she was very worried about the Beardess. And apparently, when Carter’s eyes are closed, no one is allowed to touch him. All the grandparents were scolded at some point for picking him up or touching him.
I guess Baby Gurr will be secondary baby patrol.



He is a pooping machine. Oma, my momma, went to change a diaper, and the poop kept coming out, for about four minutes. That’s why you never volunteer to change another person’s child’s diaper y’all. Because the shit never is easy or simple. Literally.

I’m just going to post a bunch of pictures. Enjoy them.




When we get home, our first prerogative is to get acquainted with the Big Green Egg, the garden, the turkey decoys, Ole Stoney Dean the dog and the lawnmower. Should be fun!

I’ve gotten a lot of questions about his beard. It has not began its glorious beginning of growth yet. But the unibrow is strong y’all. And strong Unibrows are a sign of strong beards. Good luck baby Gurr, you and Carter gonna be in a beard off someday.

Not a lot of wittiness this morning y’all. Not much sleep last night. I’ll improve when we get back home and get settled. Promises!

No SHave Never