Family vacation time. That time of year where families choose to load the automobile down with luggage and snacks and toys and churrins and get their road flow on, treading asphalt in search of laughs and relaxation.
That is what we did. We headed to Asheville, NC. If you have never been to Asheville, you are missing out on something grandly beautiful, in a very pretty way.
We packed our gas-powered steed full of everything we would need for a great time camping out in the wilderness of the DoubleTree Inn, which the Beardess called a hotel room. I called it camping because that is as close as I was going to get to being able to sleep on the ground.
This trip did not produce any over-crazy events that would make this trip more eventful than previous trips in which we encountered such events. This expedition was quite fulfilling and fun.
As ya’ll can see, I can not take the Beardess anywhere, she holds her fork, when cutting animal flesh like a caveman. When I attempted to reverse her uncouthness, this is what followed.
We went to the Biltmore Estate and saw the Biltmore house and all the other things that Biltmore has to offer. If you have never been to the Biltmore before, you should definitely go, it is absolutely amazing.
I wanted to take some pictures, but they do not allow photography in the house, which is asinine to me. How are we supposed to catch apparitions in pictures if we can not take photos? I do not get it. Oh, for you conspiracy theorists out yonder, there is a place where they take you photo, so you can buy. They take everyones photo. E V E R Y O N E !
So here are a few pictures that I did take, which are not very interesting because everyone was clothed and there were no ghosts.
We made a ride onto the Blue Ridge Parkway. The leaves had not changed yet, but it did not matter because I would not have been able to enjoy it. Ifin you do not know why, here is a link to why fall leaves discriminate People with Colorblindness. Colorblindness Awareness Months
The view was not great, there were a lot of low hanging clouds. We drove up to Craggy Gardens and hiked to the bald, then hiked back. The Beardess and Baby Gurr did great. I was not pushed off the mountain.
We went to go eat some ice cream, after dinner. It was good ice cream. I was really happy and excited about finishing my ice cream cone. It was a sugar cone too. Well, as any of ya’ll who have churrins know; when you have churrins you have nothing. Baby Gurr wanted to taste my ice cream, so as any ice cream loving father would do I said, “ok”. I was not too happy about it though. Have any of ya’ll ever seen a 2.7 year old eat ice cream? They slobber all over it. I do not do slobber people.
I obliged and gave her a bite, but I promptly started taking bigger bites myself, because I saw the look in her face after that first bite. It was the look of “yummy, this is so much better than my ice cream that I am going to be eating all of The Beards ice cream and he doesn’t know it yet” look. Well, I saw that look and gave her a “lookie here ya little beardlet, this is my ice cream, I bought you pink ice cream and I do not eat pink ice cream and mine is in a sugar cone, you can’t have it.”
Then I saw her eyes light up even more and I saw that look “Oh, a sugar cone you say? Well I am about to take the rest of your ice cream sugar cone, yo”.
Well, in the end, after all these looks, this happened.
I lost my damn sugar cone to a person who can not even wipe their own ass.
The Beardess, got sickly this night. She had an involuntary reversal of consumption. All damn night. No fun ya’ll, not damn fun at all.
So the next morning Baby Gurr and myself ventured out to the great unknown of an indoor playground. It was fun, there were a lot of churrins there, slobbering and slinging snot on everything. We played for two and a half hours. Yay us.
I ran into a bearded celebrity up on the Blue Ridge Parkway. Paul Roof of The Holy City Beard and Moustache Society (HCBS), out of Charleston, SC. Check out his awesomeness on Facebook at The Holy City Beard and Moustache Society page. They will hold the 5th Annual Southeastern Beard and Moustache Championships May 24, 2014 in Charleston, SC
Well, this post is way too dam long already so let me finish this up real quick.
Isaac in Asheville, whoever you are, No SHave Never sir.
I got me an apple peeler, corer, slicer! hells yes.
Baby Gurr got to go apple picking and pumpkin huntin.
We made it home safely and tired.
No SHave Never!