Posts Tagged ‘beer’

Last night was the College Football National Championship game. Notre Dame vs Alabama. The mighty SEC vs everyone else. Alabama won, hope no one taped it for later. As many guys do, some of us me up at a buddies house to watch some of the game. I arrived a little late because I ate a delicious home cooked meal by my wife. And I had to put my Baby Gurr nighty night. Whilst the other guys had to eat fried wings and fattening shit that is going to make their acid reflux act the fool.

None of us were actual fans of either team. Though two of my buddies are passionate about hating other teams more than they are passionate about loving their own teams. It is uncanny how both of them seem to always hate/love opposite teams. This makes my life as an instigator easier at instagationing.

The night of fun begins late for me. I arrive after I eat my scrumptious home cooked dinner. I purchase two Quart size High Life on my way to the party. Yes, whole damn quart sized beers, of HIGH LIFE! I was under the impression this was a guys night, but one of the guys brought his female dog. I brought my big ole lab, Stoney, he’s a guy because he still has his balls, in all their awesome glory. So I gave him shit, the dogs went outside and played.

The buddy who hosted this shindig got a new tv. Though I am sure I have seen this tv before, I did not know that his satellite was standard definition. Yes, my friends, it is 2013 still year of the Rabbit and he has a bad ass tv with STANDARD definition satellite. And we are there watching a National Championship Football game on damn standard definition tv. It is $10 more a month! TEN DOLLARS more. If he did not have nice tv, it would not be worth it, but he just paid real money for this tv.

The other friend jumped in and said that we should have had it at his place. “I would have had a fire going and surround sound…” at this point we all looked up and said that we want to watch a football game, not sit around a candle lit room. The sports bantering began here in an attempt to divert the conversation away from his untimely and misspoken words. Somehow it morphs into how Dook bball players don’t turn out to be good pro players. The Kentucky friend now has to relive the Laettener shot, in which he replies “if they just would have guarded the damn inbounds pass, damn it!” Now, some of yall might not know what the hell I am talking about, those of you that do will probably enjoy this.

The game turned out to be a beat down by Alabama. We all left by halftime, because some had to work the next day. I began a new knitting project, which I brought to the party. They all tried to pick on me but, I am bigger and meaner. It is just jealousy, that they do not know how to knit, want to know, but won’t learn because they don’t have awesome beards.

Y’all know how some stories are just not that good, unless you were present for them? Thats how I feel this post is. So if you don’t enjoy it, find some friends and re-enact. It will be fun then, I promise. You must drink beer.

This is Mike. He is a real person. Say hello to Mike. He has three fist names.

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No Shave Never

Paul

Today is a special day. It’s my burfsday. I’m a whopping 31 years old. I feel no different, tho I’ve heard shit starts going down hill from here. I’m scared of heights so I’m pretty sure that my hill is quite short. And I live in South Carolina, so for you people who know me, and have been to South Carolina, know that our definition of a “hill” is quite different than other parts of America. That goes for ridges too. If you are a wildland firefighter you damn well know what I’m talking about.

As I sit here in my silk speedo, because the wife and baby Gurr are at gymnastics, so I can sit around the house in my speedo, I am drinking an ice cold Miller High Life, the champagne of damn beers, and writing this. I just finished a masterpiece of a brew of some sort of beer that is dark. It will turn out great, because Mr. Beer said so. Oh yeah, I’m shirtless! Hold yourselves back people, I’m not tanned yet, so it’s a little embarrassing. I missed writing my somewhat reliable every Wednesday post yesterday because of a grand adventure that involved; burnt brakes, a pick up truck, NAPA, an Infinity G20, Stoney my dog, a deer stand, a rifle, air compressor, impact wrench, and candy corns.

It all started when my brakes on my truck sounded like a an concrete anchor being dragged behind me when I pressed the brakes. I said to myself, “hey you outta fix this asshole, cause its been going on two weeks now, quit being a lazy bum”. So I go get some brake pads, get home install front brake pads, still the grinding. This is where the story will get short, because I don’t have enough time to type it. I end up going back to NAPA five more times, to fix the broke drivers door, replace the rear caliper, bracket, rotor and pads. Six damn times! That’s ridiculous.

That morning I had a grand morning sitting in a deer stand listening to the birds chirp and fly, the sun rising above the horizon and the cool brisk coldness of the cold making me cold. It was glorious.

So for my burfsday, I made a batch of beer, drank some other beer, bout to eat some Chinese, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. If that’s not a married 31 years old, with a child, burfsday, y’all not living right. My wife and baby gurr got me a wonderful present and have catered to my every need. They are truly the definition of what a woman should be for their father/husband’s burfsday, submissive and obedient. I kid! I kid! They have been wonderful as they always are. They make my day in which I was birthed special and happy

Well, y’all take care now. I got to go put on some shorts over my speedos, and a shirt on. I thought about shaving my beard, for about a never of a second. That shit ain’t gonna happen. I just wanted to scare all of y’all. Ya know. If you have a beard, you can wear a speedo anytime anywhere and be awesome.

It’s my burfsday

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No Shave Never

Paul

So yesterday I get a Facebook notification that my cousin in law, Blake, added me to a group. So I perused on over to my handy dandy Facebook app on my second to none awesome iPhone 4, and I see there is a group from Charleston, SC about beards. Oh the joy that overwhelmed me. The Holy City Beard and Mustache Society is located in Charleston, SC. I scrolled through their FB page. There are some damn nice beards on there. I think we might have to make a stop by one of their monthly meetings, if I am ever in Charleston at the right time.

Fourth Annual Southeastern Beard and Mustache Championships. I do not know how one of my supposed friends on the Charleston area never alerted me to this event. This is the fourth year, FOURTH YEAR!! For three years no one told me about this. I am ashamed for my friends. They hurt my heart y’all.

So I am marking my calendar for this event. But, there is a way more important event that weekend. It will be my fifth wedding anniversary. No way in hell I’m gonna try to swing going to that, over doing something stupidly awesome with my wife. But if we happen to be celebrating in the Holy City, it’s possible I could do a drive-by. This is do-able, because Charleston is her most favoritest place ever. But I’m not sure Charleston can support the level of awesomeness I plan on planning for the fiver. I also need to figure out my traditional and modern anniversary gifts, wood and silverware, respectively. I get oober excited about our anniversary! I always plan on planning early.

Y’all check out Holy City Beard and Mustache Society.

No Shave Never

Paul