Posts Tagged ‘Disney World’

Today was day two of our adventures in Disney World, Magic Kingdom edition. If you missed the last two days recaps you can go HERE AND HERE to catch up.


Baby Gurr understood what was going to be happening today better than I thought she would. She was very excited to be going to see Mickey and Minnie and Ariel and every one else. I was all happy because I was gonna get some princess hugs with photos.


We arrived at the park just past 9 AM. There were not a large amount of people there yet, but they were arriving in droves. We went to hop on the trolly to the park. At Animal Kingdom, the trolly people were nice. At Magic Kingdom, the trolly folks are not mean, but they damn well mean what the say. Ya’ll better get ya asses behind, and stay behind that yellow line. Remember this if you make the trek to Magic Kingdom. You will be embarrassed if you do not listen to the “get back guy”.

Take the boat across the pond to the entrance, less people and faster than the trolly, it was for us.

When we got in, behind the gates, the Beardess had to run to the bathroom because she had to tinkle something fierce.

We then got a map, mapped out our day and proceeded to fulfill all the dreams we dreamt pertaining to the Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World. I was greeted awesomely and loudly by three older ladies, whom I perceived to be ladies of the night making their way home after their nightly duties. Tehy called me the King of the Hairy People. I “heyyyooo’ed” them!

20130302-205411.jpg Baby Gurr entering the magical land of magic.

We made our first ride, the Magic Tea Cups. It was great.


Then we went to It’s A Small World. Now I can vividly remember this ride from the previous two or three times I have been here. Shit’s creepy as hell. I’m telling you. I go into combat mode and formulate escape routes and lethal defense maneuvers, because I just know that all those dolls have a plan to really go ape shit on us one day. The song is creepy, the dolls look like Chuckie, they stare at you, some even wink at you. That shit is not right. If any of ya’ll have been on that ride, you might not admit it, but you think the same thing.

Tip: Get the Fast Passes. They are worth it. Some things will not have long waits, those are the things you can do while waiting on the Fast Pass times. We waited five to ten minutes on every ride we had Fast Passes on, the regular line was an hour on average.

Baby Gurr went sweater shopping between rides.

20130302-210337.jpg This was first

20130302-210357.jpg Then this.

20130302-210419.jpg She settled on this one!

This pose is the “get shit done” pose.

Baby Gurr’s second birthday was Ariel themed. So no matter the wait, we were going to see Ariel and ride the Under the Sea ride. We headed that way pretty early. The line to see Ariel was not crazy, but the cave that the line meandered through was loud as hell. And filled with churrins. The high pitched screams of girls under the age of 7 are deafening. Put them in confined spaces, numbering into the twenties, if not thirties, and you have a Weapon of Mass Destruction.


This was hell. But, when we got to Ariel, it was great. Baby Gurr was not as scurred as she was yesterday, so we got a couple decent photos.


It was about time for lunch, and let me tell you something, there are lines for everything as the Disney World, except the bathrooms. So, pick a place to eat and go with it. We picked the Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Cafe. It was ok. But I did get to see this old guy who I suspect was a body builder at some point, but was not anymore, but still wore the clothes. Lookie here.


20130302-211822.jpg Baby Gurr and the Beardess planning the rest of our afternoon. Baby Gurr was quite helpful.

After lunch, shit got real. I had to start using the brake on the stroller, which I have never done. I felt weird. Next, the park got oober more crowded. I learned something about churrins that I probably already knew but had forgotten until now. Churrins have no concept of personal space. They will back up to someone and not even care who it is. They will just go grabbing at legs because the person has on Khaki colored shorts just like their dad, but it is not their dad. Good times.

Yesterday I wrote about children who really are not children anymore being pushed around in strollers by their parents. My take is that if that child wipes their own ass, no way in hell I’m pushing them around in a stroller. So today,

20130302-212206.jpg This is someone who is atleast above the age of 40, and that is not a wheel chair. And they were out cold.

As the day began winding down, so did Baby Gurr. She was a straight up trooper today. She did everything with a smile and really enjoyed all the rides. Even at the end of the day, she was exhausted but she powered through.

As we were making our way towards the trolly to go home. These three women were running towards the trolly, which was not about to leave and had a whole empty car. So they were in danger of being left, in every other sane person’s mind that is, not theirs though. This one lady tripped, because the athleticism she showed was comparable to a 500 pound person driving a Rascal. After she tripped, she flew threw the air about four inches off the ground, and in the most athletic way she could muster, tried to save herself with her plastic commemorative popcorn bucket. Didn’t work, and she lay there weeping.

I truly felt sorry for the lady, the two young women with her did not and laughed. The lesson learned here is; it’s ok to run to the trolly because you fear you might get left, but throw your commemorative Magic Kingdom popcorn mug away from the body so as to not crack the handle and make it inoperative for future uses.

Disney has mastered the art of parking. It is amazing and amazes me with pure amazement. Disney also has mastered predicting waiting times of lines. The way they flow traffic around Magic Kingdom is flawless. They even funnel traffic in certain areas so as to make people more likely to go into shops, because the shops look less crowded than outside and they have an exit at the other end. Brillaint.

Two important things to note. I did not get one single damn picture with a princess today. My heart hurts over this. I was gonna Teo this story, but thought better of it. Disney needs to make these princesses more available!

Also, I did get to eat a Mighty Casey Weiner. It was delicious.

My brain is tired. 8 hour drive home tomorrow, so I’m out.

Yet again tonight, this post was brought to you by Big Flats Premium Lager Beer 1901 $3 for a six pack.


Click that little like button if you actually like it. Heyyyooo.

No SHave Never


20130301-193022.jpg Start this off right.

This post will be somewhat longer than usual. I know ya’ll probably skim through most of what I write anyway, that is why I try to keep them short. Do yourself a favor and do not be an asshole and read all this. It will be awesome. I will have pictures for those of you heathens who can not read, atleast try, this is America.

20130301-192915.jpg Free Krispy Kreme and cheeses.

This morning, we had to attend a timeshare presentation at a Hilton place. We went, ate Krispy Kreme doughnuts, and got presented. We have never been to one of these things, but just like most others, we have heard the horror stories. Our “tour guide” Margarit was a nice lady with a very short dress on. The Beardess pointed that out to me. Blah blah blah, through all the typical saleslady “try to get to know you on a personal level and make you feel bad about me in some way and us try to feel as though we owe you something for you telling us we are supposed to be here”. When she said we can go look at the numbers and buy today, I said “nah, thats not going to happen”. She said then that the packages start at 10k-50k. I said hell no. She talking bout I been at my job so long we should be well off. I said we are well off cause we don’t buy 10k worth of shit because you said it would be fun. And I work for the US government, that definitely does not make us well off. She walked away, as we sat alone, we noticed EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON had their tour guide with them. Except us! Never saw her again, another guy came and talked to us then sent us on our way out.


20130301-192817.jpg Get me up outta here yo.

Today was the first day of vacation at the wonderful Walt Disney World. For those of you who do not know or get them mixed up, Disney World is in Florida, Disney Land is in California. World is way more betterer.

As you would imagine, there were a great deal of folks from all over the world at Animal Kingdom, the attraction we visited today. It is fairly easy to spot the Europeans, because the women all have on yoga pants, and the men have Donald Trump haricuts. The women, have on spandex everything else also, not just pants. It’s awesome.

Stroller etiquette. Not sure if any of you know what stroller etiquette is, I will tell you. If you have a stroller you do not have to have any etiquette. Because most of the assholes around you in a crowd setting, like Disney World, lose all couth that humanity was given by the couth gods. People would cut me off, I would keep my pace and line, they would run into stroller, turn around be all like “what bitch, watch where you going stroller pusher……” then actually see this

20130301-193640.jpg and be like “awe shit, why did I look, turn away! Turn Away! Gotta go faster away, faster away!”.


I also found out why churrins now a days are growing up lazy as hell. There were people, of the age in which I know damn well they are wiping their own asses, being pushed around by their parents in strollers. These kids are big enough to be pushing their parents. I’m not telling people how to raise their youngins, but when they start wiping, unassisted, I damn for sure am not pushing them in a stroller. Hell NO! Lazy!

I’m not even mad at all either. I just have a good time with it. Much fun so it is.


Arriving by a gas powered automobile, we call the Toyota Camry (maybe they will see this and pay me) to the Disney World. Oh Joy!

20130301-194316.jpg Animal Kingdom


The Beardess and Baby Gurr entering the wild animal kingdom. It was cool. I will not lie though. All I could think about, was how awesome it would be if shit went all Jurassic Park in here. I had my little pocket knife and with the knowledge I gained from Dual Survival on Discovery Channel, I would have made so many people real life survivors up in there. This primal caveman look I got has purpose people, real life purpose.

20130301-195632.jpg McBee folk will know.

This next series of photos will encompass nearly two hours of good times. Petting zoo, happy, happy, happy and…….Out!


20130301-200802.jpg That there people, for those of you who might not know, is a real live, in person phone that you use COINS to power the talk button. No shit ya’ll, it is actually powered by coins, not the sun or a battery, COINS.

We made our way to the character lunch, where Baby Gurr would get to eat and have pictures made with real life Disney characters. We were not sure how this would go. She loves the characters on Mickey Mouse Club House, but in real life? It went like we thought it would, pure fear and terror. But we made it through with some awesome “get the the F outta here you terrible parents, what are you doing to me!” Lookie here.

20130301-201939.jpg Progression- ooh Mickey- hell no, save me! – ooh Goofey – Hell no you crazy ass woman, told you once, don’t be handing me to these crazy ass people, let me fly away!

20130301-202207.jpg She finally napped

20130301-202231.jpg Action shot on the slide.

The day was a grand success. Baby Gurr had a great time, which in turn made us happy. Tomorrow should be even more fun.

Tomorrow is the day we go to Magic Kingdom and I get to take pictured with princesses while hugging. Heyyyooo.

Enjoy folks. This blog post is brought to you by Big Flats Premium Beer 1901 Lager Beer


If you need to catch up on yesterday’s news, Click this right here!

No SHave Never


SO here we are. About an hour from Disney World. It has been an uneventful drive so far, just they way I like it. Baby Gurr, hates sleeeping in the car, so the passenger has to be the snack getter, entertainer and punisher.

The most eexciting thing we have done, has been me driviing while writing this post. it’s been awesome.

I kid! I’m in the passennger seat.


BBaby GUrr cillin in the back.


The Beardess driving.

I wish I had something awesome or funny or crazy to show you, but I don’t. But that shall change at the World of Disney.

Stay tuned.

No SHave Never