Baby Gurr understood what was going to be happening today better than I thought she would. She was very excited to be going to see Mickey and Minnie and Ariel and every one else. I was all happy because I was gonna get some princess hugs with photos.
We arrived at the park just past 9 AM. There were not a large amount of people there yet, but they were arriving in droves. We went to hop on the trolly to the park. At Animal Kingdom, the trolly people were nice. At Magic Kingdom, the trolly folks are not mean, but they damn well mean what the say. Ya’ll better get ya asses behind, and stay behind that yellow line. Remember this if you make the trek to Magic Kingdom. You will be embarrassed if you do not listen to the “get back guy”.
Take the boat across the pond to the entrance, less people and faster than the trolly, it was for us.
When we got in, behind the gates, the Beardess had to run to the bathroom because she had to tinkle something fierce.
We then got a map, mapped out our day and proceeded to fulfill all the dreams we dreamt pertaining to the Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World. I was greeted awesomely and loudly by three older ladies, whom I perceived to be ladies of the night making their way home after their nightly duties. Tehy called me the King of the Hairy People. I “heyyyooo’ed” them!
We made our first ride, the Magic Tea Cups. It was great.
Then we went to It’s A Small World. Now I can vividly remember this ride from the previous two or three times I have been here. Shit’s creepy as hell. I’m telling you. I go into combat mode and formulate escape routes and lethal defense maneuvers, because I just know that all those dolls have a plan to really go ape shit on us one day. The song is creepy, the dolls look like Chuckie, they stare at you, some even wink at you. That shit is not right. If any of ya’ll have been on that ride, you might not admit it, but you think the same thing.
Tip: Get the Fast Passes. They are worth it. Some things will not have long waits, those are the things you can do while waiting on the Fast Pass times. We waited five to ten minutes on every ride we had Fast Passes on, the regular line was an hour on average.
Baby Gurr went sweater shopping between rides.
This pose is the “get shit done” pose.
Baby Gurr’s second birthday was Ariel themed. So no matter the wait, we were going to see Ariel and ride the Under the Sea ride. We headed that way pretty early. The line to see Ariel was not crazy, but the cave that the line meandered through was loud as hell. And filled with churrins. The high pitched screams of girls under the age of 7 are deafening. Put them in confined spaces, numbering into the twenties, if not thirties, and you have a Weapon of Mass Destruction.
This was hell. But, when we got to Ariel, it was great. Baby Gurr was not as scurred as she was yesterday, so we got a couple decent photos.
It was about time for lunch, and let me tell you something, there are lines for everything as the Disney World, except the bathrooms. So, pick a place to eat and go with it. We picked the Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Cafe. It was ok. But I did get to see this old guy who I suspect was a body builder at some point, but was not anymore, but still wore the clothes. Lookie here.
After lunch, shit got real. I had to start using the brake on the stroller, which I have never done. I felt weird. Next, the park got oober more crowded. I learned something about churrins that I probably already knew but had forgotten until now. Churrins have no concept of personal space. They will back up to someone and not even care who it is. They will just go grabbing at legs because the person has on Khaki colored shorts just like their dad, but it is not their dad. Good times.
Yesterday I wrote about children who really are not children anymore being pushed around in strollers by their parents. My take is that if that child wipes their own ass, no way in hell I’m pushing them around in a stroller. So today,
As the day began winding down, so did Baby Gurr. She was a straight up trooper today. She did everything with a smile and really enjoyed all the rides. Even at the end of the day, she was exhausted but she powered through.
As we were making our way towards the trolly to go home. These three women were running towards the trolly, which was not about to leave and had a whole empty car. So they were in danger of being left, in every other sane person’s mind that is, not theirs though. This one lady tripped, because the athleticism she showed was comparable to a 500 pound person driving a Rascal. After she tripped, she flew threw the air about four inches off the ground, and in the most athletic way she could muster, tried to save herself with her plastic commemorative popcorn bucket. Didn’t work, and she lay there weeping.
I truly felt sorry for the lady, the two young women with her did not and laughed. The lesson learned here is; it’s ok to run to the trolly because you fear you might get left, but throw your commemorative Magic Kingdom popcorn mug away from the body so as to not crack the handle and make it inoperative for future uses.
Disney has mastered the art of parking. It is amazing and amazes me with pure amazement. Disney also has mastered predicting waiting times of lines. The way they flow traffic around Magic Kingdom is flawless. They even funnel traffic in certain areas so as to make people more likely to go into shops, because the shops look less crowded than outside and they have an exit at the other end. Brillaint.
Two important things to note. I did not get one single damn picture with a princess today. My heart hurts over this. I was gonna Teo this story, but thought better of it. Disney needs to make these princesses more available!
Also, I did get to eat a Mighty Casey Weiner. It was delicious.
My brain is tired. 8 hour drive home tomorrow, so I’m out.
Yet again tonight, this post was brought to you by Big Flats Premium Lager Beer 1901 $3 for a six pack.
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