Posts Tagged ‘family’

New Years Resolutions. That time of year, the beginning of the new year, where people want to change their lifestyle to better improve their life, by comparing them self to someone else and their lifestyle, by which they implore their lifestyle to be changed in an attempt to better themselves in regards to how others think that they are better than them. Ya’ll understand what I am saying? New Year Resolutions are such an integral part of the new year, that we all subconsciously create resolutions. That does not mean we acknowledge these resolutions or follow through on them. I am going to attempt to show you how to make your New Year Resolutions attainable and sensible. As ya’ll may know, and if you don’t you will at the end of this, bearders tend to attempt to make impossibly difficult things way more simple.

First, you must list your resolutions. If you do not write it down, you are not serious about it. Upon completion of making your list, you must now prioritize this list. When you prioritize, do this in a manner that lists what you think might be your easiest attainable resolution first, to the hardest being last. Example: grow my beard longer, eat less, lose more weight, drink more homemade wine, grow a bigger garden, learn to win the lottery. Prioritize: 1 grow my beard longer, 2 learn to win the lottery, 3 drink more homemade wine, 4 grow a bigger garden, 5 lose more weight, 6 eat less. If you do not write down and prioritize, you fail at life.

Second, you must tell everyone of your friends and family and co-workers your resolutions. Without the push and ridicule from these people, you will fail. At first they will be supportive and helpful. As you progress at not progressing, yet you still lament on the resolutions, they will turn from helpful and supportive, to angry and hurtful. If you are failing at your resolutions, you need this change, take it and don’t cry about it, you asked for this when you made these resolutions. They are just trying to help. Suck it up, don’t be a cry baby, and get the shit done!

Third and last, this is the most important step in attaining your resolutions. Now, this third step might not be needed by all resolutioners. But I would take a gander and bet that most will need this third step. Now, this third step will be the most difficult, yet the simplest step of them all. Step 3, once you have failed at the previous listed resolutions, and the supportive, hurtful friends, family and co-workers have begun ignoring you completely; you MUST and WILL, forget about your resolutions until the beginning of next year. If you don’t, your resolutions for next year will be pointless, because you will only remember how you failed the previous year.

Now I know this sounds like no one ever attains the goals they set aside as resolutions. That is false. The secret to succeeding is forgetting about the failures of previous attempts.

Success is successful when succeeding is done in a more successful way than successfully succeeding at failing.

Ya’ll have a happy New Year. I will be back with some more self-help motivational motivations from the mind of a bearder. I told ya’ll earlier that we tend to make impossible possibilities more possible with simpler possibilities.

Motivation ya’ll. its what we all need to succeed.

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No Shave Never

Paul

My family, my beard and a big doughnut. The doughnut has a hole in it, y’all know that. Inside that hole is nothing, hence it being called a “hole”. Now, in case y’all don’t know, the part of the doughnut that fills that hole is called a “doughnut hole”. Why it’s called a hole when there’s actually no hole at all is quite dumbfounding. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go to a doughnut shop and ask for doughnut holes and a doughnut. You can figure it out from there.

My loving wife, Sara, is my doughnut hole. I’m the doughnut. Hold that doughnut parallel to the ground and drop anything through that hole. It will fall straight thru, to the ground. Unless the object is bigger than the hole. If you do that, this experiment doesn’t count, you lose! That’s my brain, forgetting. Sara is the doughnut hole, reminding me, not to forget.

I have been wanting to do a yearly recap of our household for a couple years now. For numerous reasons I have not done that. The main reason being my skill of forgetfulness. I’m one of those people who knows I will forget information. I have tried to negate this by acquiring and implementing anti-forgetfulness skills. What I have learned, is that when you forget shit, doing more things to help you remember, creates a plethora of more shit to forget.
Example: Writing items down on a piece of paper, to remind you to do those items in the near future. Yeah, that doesn’t work when you forgot you wrote them down and now you can’t find that piece of paper. Ironically you find it a day later while cleaning your pockets out before doing laundry. Y’all know that saying, “a day late…”.

Now, I just rely on my wife and her keen instinct of knowing I’m forgetful, she keeps me straight. When we travel, after every stop we get ready to leave she asks me, “got your wallet, phone?”. I think it’s just one of those motherly instincts she has programmed herself to do with her husband. I am willing to bet many of you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Sometimes my wife has two youngins to remind. Our two year old and me. She does not remind me often, but she does remind me regularly, that I’m a big kid. Instinctively she knows exactly what I’m going to forget during certain activities. It is quite amazing. The funny part is, I will forget simple things. Sunglasses, wallet, phone, but never forget my thermos or coosie. I call this here disorder, Adult Male Selective Prioritization Inefficiency.

I am very thankful for Sara and her ability to know me, better than I know myself. She does remind me of that fact regularly, deservedly so. Someone needs to create a reminder app, that can be tailored to remind me of stuff in the manner my wife does. Then I wouldn’t forget to turn the alerts on, volume up, and have more than one notification.

I’m sure many of you will understand this dynamic. Husbands, remind yourselves to tell your wives “thank you” regularly. Add that to the list of “wife things” you should never forget, birthday, anniversary, first date, favorite ice cream, favorite drink, favorite candy and favorite restaurant.

Remembering these things will make your beard growing experience much easier. Most importantly it will keep your wife happy, and you won’t have to worry about her not reminding you to breathe. Because men, they sometimes will forget that shit too.

A good photo for reminding us not to forget our sanity.

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No Shave Never.