Posts Tagged ‘Grilling/Cooking’

My baby gurr (daughter Audrey) will be two years old in February, the third to be exact. No longer will I tell her age by months. Now, she will be aged in years and halves. I round up.

I believe at this age, children should start learning about cooking and fire. Mainly cooking on or with fire. You can never start teaching fire safety too early in life. Beginning to teach fire safety early will probably prevent the woods behind your house catching fire. By catching I mean your child lighting the woods afire.

I was taught how to use matches, but never taught where not to set shit on fire. So the woods behind my house burnt a few times.

I do a lot of grilling. My wife bought me a Big Green Egg last year for my birthday. Best gift ever! And that grill is worth every penny. I told Sara last week, I was going to be proud as hell the first time I come home and Audrey (daughter) has the EGG rolling smoke. I am sure it will rank up there with the first time she catches a fish or bags a duck or deer.

So in preparing for this glorious day, I am starting my pre-draft to the Syllabus. This is what I have so far.
Meat, Big Green Egg (EGG), fire.
Put fire in in EGG, put meat in EGG.
A few more points I will have to hit, but these are by far the most important.

If you see that I might be missing something let me know.

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No Shave Never

Paul

My family, my beard and a big doughnut. The doughnut has a hole in it, y’all know that. Inside that hole is nothing, hence it being called a “hole”. Now, in case y’all don’t know, the part of the doughnut that fills that hole is called a “doughnut hole”. Why it’s called a hole when there’s actually no hole at all is quite dumbfounding. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go to a doughnut shop and ask for doughnut holes and a doughnut. You can figure it out from there.

My loving wife, Sara, is my doughnut hole. I’m the doughnut. Hold that doughnut parallel to the ground and drop anything through that hole. It will fall straight thru, to the ground. Unless the object is bigger than the hole. If you do that, this experiment doesn’t count, you lose! That’s my brain, forgetting. Sara is the doughnut hole, reminding me, not to forget.

I have been wanting to do a yearly recap of our household for a couple years now. For numerous reasons I have not done that. The main reason being my skill of forgetfulness. I’m one of those people who knows I will forget information. I have tried to negate this by acquiring and implementing anti-forgetfulness skills. What I have learned, is that when you forget shit, doing more things to help you remember, creates a plethora of more shit to forget.
Example: Writing items down on a piece of paper, to remind you to do those items in the near future. Yeah, that doesn’t work when you forgot you wrote them down and now you can’t find that piece of paper. Ironically you find it a day later while cleaning your pockets out before doing laundry. Y’all know that saying, “a day late…”.

Now, I just rely on my wife and her keen instinct of knowing I’m forgetful, she keeps me straight. When we travel, after every stop we get ready to leave she asks me, “got your wallet, phone?”. I think it’s just one of those motherly instincts she has programmed herself to do with her husband. I am willing to bet many of you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Sometimes my wife has two youngins to remind. Our two year old and me. She does not remind me often, but she does remind me regularly, that I’m a big kid. Instinctively she knows exactly what I’m going to forget during certain activities. It is quite amazing. The funny part is, I will forget simple things. Sunglasses, wallet, phone, but never forget my thermos or coosie. I call this here disorder, Adult Male Selective Prioritization Inefficiency.

I am very thankful for Sara and her ability to know me, better than I know myself. She does remind me of that fact regularly, deservedly so. Someone needs to create a reminder app, that can be tailored to remind me of stuff in the manner my wife does. Then I wouldn’t forget to turn the alerts on, volume up, and have more than one notification.

I’m sure many of you will understand this dynamic. Husbands, remind yourselves to tell your wives “thank you” regularly. Add that to the list of “wife things” you should never forget, birthday, anniversary, first date, favorite ice cream, favorite drink, favorite candy and favorite restaurant.

Remembering these things will make your beard growing experience much easier. Most importantly it will keep your wife happy, and you won’t have to worry about her not reminding you to breathe. Because men, they sometimes will forget that shit too.

A good photo for reminding us not to forget our sanity.

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No Shave Never.

Thanksgiving leftovers are one of the greatest culinary secrets in America. I have been a part of Thanksgiving leftovers for 30 years now. A few I can’t remember, but I was there. As my beard grew from a youngin to its now dominant head of household, my appreciation for leftovers has exploded into a love affair. I hate to think of the plethora of leftovers that are discarded and wasted in America. With a little imagination and a big smile, you can take those leftovers to another dimension. That thanksgiving turkey will become an all new exciting meal. That dressing will have new meaning to it, a delight full of delightfulness.

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Turkey, the iconic Thanksgiving figure that is massacred by the millions for consumption. You can fry it, smoke it, bake it and probably a few other ways I am unaware of. It doesn’t matter how the turkey is initially prepared, the endless options available for re-cooking are endless.
The best way to eat turkey is on a sandwich with tomato, Duke’s mayo and sharp cheddar.
Turkey salad.
Pan-Refried turkey and eggs.
Chopped turkey and queso salsa.

Next up HAM! Good ole honey baked ham. Pork is where ham comes from and pork comes from pig. I love pig and all the foods that can be made from pig. The greatest food animal ever!
Pan fried ham. Can be eaten with eggs, put on sandwiches.
Caramelized brown sugar coated ham fried in butter. A delicious delicacy.
Cold ham on sandwich bread with just Duke’s mayo.
Ham in butter beans, field peas, cow peas, practically any bean when cooking.
Load up the ham and/or bone for split pea soup. Makes a miraculous miracle soup.

Dressing/stuffing. Everyone’s mom or grandma makes the best they have ever had. And that is probably true. When you have grown up eating a particular meal or food the same way all your life, you acquire a certain taste. Scientifically speaking, yo momma’s cooking is better than everyone else’s momma’s cooking.
Cut into squares or circles, dip in egg and flour and fry. Just like you would grits. Here is a how to on frying grits. fry me a grits

The beans and taters. These are simple. My favorite way to eat these is the beans mixed in with the potatoes. Stir it all about and eat. I don’t know why, but I look forward to this left over meal more than anything else. There’s something a about mixing delicious butter beans, corn and mashed potatoes that melts my heart.

I hope these simple leftover meals will inspire you not to waste that food someone prepared on the day of giving thanks. Be creative and make your own recipe. If you have a leftover meal you love, let me know about it. Leftovers are one of my favorite foods.

Grow a beard, be a man.

Paul