Posts Tagged ‘how to lose weight’

Beards, We Exercise Also Too

Posted: May 9, 2013 in Humor
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So you say you’re a fat ass and wanna lose some weight? Well I say that to myself everyday. Most beards, are in some way, shape, and form, a tad bit in many areas of their bodies somewhat over weight. Not sure why this phenomena exist in the bearded community. Look at all the beards you know or have seen, guaranteed the majority of them have a type of weight disorder. Fat stomach, fat legs, fat arms, fat chest, fat ass, big ears, chubby face, or all the above.

Nothing is wrong with that, because MOST of the time, we look big, because the beard makes us look more the bigger.

But, because we live in a world where “hot bods” get women better that awesome beards, we have to stay in shape, get in shape, and keep our damn beards trimmed. You women folk now days done gone off and ruint it.

Not only the women folk to blame though, the guys who are too pretty to beard, you guys suck. Now if you do not beard because of work, that’s cool hoss. But if you do not beard because it itches, or you think it is ugly, or any other reason than; your wife leaving you or you can not make money, you hurt the heart of all other bearders.

Anyway, back to the original reason for this hear a talking. Exercising. Damn it, I had something I thought was really pertinent and entertaining to write and now, because I got off on a tangent first thing because people are holding back the beard community, I forgot. Shit.

Exercising. Do it for your health, not your looks. Because face it people, most of ya’ll, no matter your age, are never going to look anything like the ass holes on the magazines or commercials. I know, because I am one of them. Spent four years working out like nobody’s bidness, still just looked kind like two scoops of vanilla ice cream on a sugar cone.

But your health, that is important.

Now, after trying to revive the idea that I originally had, I can not and now I have to go to work. I hope this helps someone someway in the lives someday.

Grow that beard proud my fellow men, and women if you can! All men can, you have to just be willing to be bearded.

No SHave Never

Beards and Diets

Posted: January 29, 2013 in Grilling/Cooking, Humor, Life
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It is no surprise or coincidence that beards typically have large body sizes. The majority of beards could probably stand to lose a pound or two. Those bearders who are of the persuasion of being of the chunky persuasion do not envy those who might be a bit more fit.

As I run across diets that tickle my fancy, I wanted to pass along the information. I, me, myself, Paul, in no way am I suggesting the use or implementation of any diet. This is just informing those willing to accept information. I for one, do not believe in “diets”.

I have never done this diet, but it does not look that awesome. The Grapefruit Diet. If you are an active person, DO NOT DO THIS DIET! Caloric intake is 800-1000 calories a day. That’s some bullshit right there. If the most exercise you get in a day is waking up and walking to the potty, then you can probably live through this diet. Uber active folk, y’all gonna perish.

Just to be clear. I damn love Grapefruit!

I do not know why I am talking about this right now, it is kind of weird. But I’m just gonna go with it. So ya’ll read along and just go with it too. I promise you will not know anything more than before you started reading. But I always say all the time that, “you can’t waste anything that you can’t wipe up with a wash rag.” In other words, no matter how uninformative this information based conversation is, you won’t waste any time or anything reading it. In other words, to the last other words, it is worth your time to give up some time to gain the knowledge that you want to gain. Ok.

If you exercise, hopefully you know about caloric replacement with healthy calories.

The information I gathered about the Grapefruit Diet is from Web MD. Which is on the internet, so there is no way in hell it’s wrong, because not only is it on the internet, I Googled it and Google is never wrong.

Here is the Web MD link for the Grapefruit Diet

Down near the bottom of the article is another article about Birth Control Options for Busy Moms. I’m not too caught up on my birth control knowledge right now. They make BC specifically for ‘busy” moms? And by “busy” do they mean “forgetful”? That’s what I think they mean. Ya’ll should call and demand an explanation.

On another note, dealing with the same note of dieting. Ya’ll make a conscientious educated decision and do what ever the hell ya’ll want.

Lemme go see if I can find a picture that I can some way tie into this conversation and it be irrelevant.

Here it is. This will work. Heyyyooo. Some will. Some won’t.

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Egg and berries.

YOLO is only applicable if you don’t die.

No Shave Never

Paul

Beards Ramble, Here’s Why

Posted: January 17, 2013 in Humor, Life, Random
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Image from Google Images
I do not know who this is, but it’s a ridiculously awesome beard.

Rambling is an acceptable form of time consuming behavior, associated with people who do not know when to shut their mouth during conversations involving other people, at which point the other people are no longer investing their attention into said conversation.

I am a rambler, in real life. I can talk the ears of a billy goat. I know this and still can not control it, sometimes. I do try to keep a quick mind to the realization that I talk way to damn much and way to damn loud.

Southerners are famous, or should be, for rambling. Now a ramble is different than a lie, though a ramble might not be 100 percent accurate, it still is no lie. A lie is an inaccuracy with the intent to dishonor ones character in an attempt to create greater honor towards another persons character. In rambling, there is never an intent to deface another persons character or, for the rambler to be an asshole. Because liars are assholes. Side note, I just misspelled “liers”, that is terrible because I take much pride in my powerful and world renowned spelling prowess. Damn it, guess I will have to do some math problems to make myself feel better.

Back to rambling. Ramblings might been the truth, but the events and people are factual. Here is a way to know if you are talking to a rambler, but you are not sure. If there are side stories of the people involved in the main story which the rambler tells in route to the finale of the main story, they be a rambler.

If the person uses numbers in the story, and one particular number is more prevalent, they a rambler. Example: “Ya’ll, we went frog giggin last night and we tore them up. We started at six that night and by dark, which was at 830, I had done drank a 12 pack. Thats bout when we got started and by 930 we done gigged 26 frogs and one six pound bass. I got me a knew giggin pole and its six foot tall ya’ll. Hell by, 1100 we done gigged a 36 quart cooler full of frogs, seen sixteen cotton mouths and bout a 60 pound turtle.”

This happens. There are more subtle ramblers, in fact, most ramblers aren’t that bad.

Ramblers usually use lots of hand gestures. I don’t know many “quiet” people who have active hands when they speak. But ramblers, you better give’m a five foot buffer or you’re liable to get smacked.

Ramblers smile alot and make eye contact. Eye contact keeps people more involved in the conversation that the rambler is dominating. Smiling makes the eye contactee, feel less intimidated by the eye contacter.

If you do not know a person like this, visit the south. We have plenty. Don’t worry though, they are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. But you better have an out, because if you stand and listen, they have enough stories to keep you there forever. Ramblers will never run out of stories.

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