Today is January 12, 2013. Yesterday was January 11, 2013. Yesterday hit 76 degrees where I am. Today is supposed to be 80 degrees. Ya’ll know what? That is some complete and utter bullshit. I drink coffee in the morning colder than that, and its piping hot. Right now, I am supposed to go outside and watch the steam rise from my coffee while waiting on house finches arrive for slaughter.
But, that is not what is happening. It is evaporating. I am not telling no damn lie either. Shit’s getting real down here.
Now, some of ya’ll will be all excited about this. Ya’ll are irreversibly unreverseable, from being cray yo.
Look, I work outside. I have a head full of hair and a beard and I still am hot. You say what you fool? You got a lot of hair and a beard and you’re hot? No shit.
That is what you are probably saying to yourself. Well, lookie here. The beards acts like an evaporator. When it gets wet, the air flow creates a cooling effect. No lie, grow a beard and try it.
Someone has got to do something about these weather people predicting all this damn shitty weather. It is winter time! I want to wear my toboggans (not the sleigh you yankees!). I Blame this on the weather people on tv.
If they wouldn’t predict this it wouldn’t happen. See down here in the South, we need some really cold weather to make some delicious foods even more deliciouser. Mainly being glorious collard greens. Old folk lore says that a good hard cold as frost below 33 degrees makes the collards crisper and a little sweet.
As a collard consumer on proportions unattainable by most non-neanderthals, I have to agree.
Call your local news stations and The Weather Channel and the National Weather Service and tell them to fix this damn winter weather in the South. If you disagree with me, I hope you get sunburnt.
No Shave Never