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I do not know who this is, but it’s a ridiculously awesome beard.

Rambling is an acceptable form of time consuming behavior, associated with people who do not know when to shut their mouth during conversations involving other people, at which point the other people are no longer investing their attention into said conversation.

I am a rambler, in real life. I can talk the ears of a billy goat. I know this and still can not control it, sometimes. I do try to keep a quick mind to the realization that I talk way to damn much and way to damn loud.

Southerners are famous, or should be, for rambling. Now a ramble is different than a lie, though a ramble might not be 100 percent accurate, it still is no lie. A lie is an inaccuracy with the intent to dishonor ones character in an attempt to create greater honor towards another persons character. In rambling, there is never an intent to deface another persons character or, for the rambler to be an asshole. Because liars are assholes. Side note, I just misspelled “liers”, that is terrible because I take much pride in my powerful and world renowned spelling prowess. Damn it, guess I will have to do some math problems to make myself feel better.

Back to rambling. Ramblings might been the truth, but the events and people are factual. Here is a way to know if you are talking to a rambler, but you are not sure. If there are side stories of the people involved in the main story which the rambler tells in route to the finale of the main story, they be a rambler.

If the person uses numbers in the story, and one particular number is more prevalent, they a rambler. Example: “Ya’ll, we went frog giggin last night and we tore them up. We started at six that night and by dark, which was at 830, I had done drank a 12 pack. Thats bout when we got started and by 930 we done gigged 26 frogs and one six pound bass. I got me a knew giggin pole and its six foot tall ya’ll. Hell by, 1100 we done gigged a 36 quart cooler full of frogs, seen sixteen cotton mouths and bout a 60 pound turtle.”

This happens. There are more subtle ramblers, in fact, most ramblers aren’t that bad.

Ramblers usually use lots of hand gestures. I don’t know many “quiet” people who have active hands when they speak. But ramblers, you better give’m a five foot buffer or you’re liable to get smacked.

Ramblers smile alot and make eye contact. Eye contact keeps people more involved in the conversation that the rambler is dominating. Smiling makes the eye contactee, feel less intimidated by the eye contacter.

If you do not know a person like this, visit the south. We have plenty. Don’t worry though, they are some of the nicest people you will ever meet. But you better have an out, because if you stand and listen, they have enough stories to keep you there forever. Ramblers will never run out of stories.