Posts Tagged ‘how to train a dog’

Another morning, another sunrise, another day of beards growing. Some of ya’ll probably have animals, some of you don’t and some of y’all probably would let a pet die two days in. I have animals, two cats and one dog. That’s not enough, I want more. I love animals, I love to watch animals. My psychologically educated driven answer to this love of animals, I believe, is the natural beardedness of animals.

I have had a love for loving animals since I could remember. I was fortunate enough to grow up in the country, where cats and dogs adopted your home and we obliged by accepting and feeding them. There was no, “take this dog/cat to the pound and let’s hope someone adopts it.” No, that animal showed up and we accepted with open arms. I know to this day, the town I grew up in, McBee, South Carolina, people still behave in this manner.

My animal’s personalities are awesome. They make me laugh on a daily basis. One thing I am good at is poking fun, or as my wife calls it “acting like a damn child”. Anyone who knows me and especially people who grew up with me know very well what I am talking about. Picking on people is a way to show their love, mainly in the country. By “in the country” I mean the South, us Southerners. Southerners will pick on you five minutes in to meeting you. That is a good thing people! For shy folks, its a great ice breaker that is so uncomfortable they feel really not comfortable at all. But, the introduction process is quick, easy, and requires little work for the shy.

Back to fun with cats and other unsuspecting animals that know it’s coming because they aren’t stupid, but know they have nowhere to hide. We have two cats, Missy and Brutus. They were adopted from the pound in Chapel Hill, NC back in 2004.

Missy is the cat on the right.

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I grew up with cats, and these are the only cats I have ever had that hate to be held. Literally, H A T E it! They are easier to contain in a bathtub full of water, than just trying to hold them. Pick Brutus up and it feels like you are trying to hold onto a 6×6 piece of wood.

If you know anything about cats, you know they are some of the most paranoid creatures on earth. Well, I know this and I love to strengthen their paranoia and reaction time by having routine practices in the art of recognition and evasion. I love to chase the cats around the house. Stoney, the lab, loves it too. It’s awesome. We chase the kitty cats, they get all freaked out and like most cats they lose all reasoning abilities. They usually run until they corner themselves, then cower down and wait for me to come pick them up. I then take them to the bed so they can get their post workout nap in.

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Missy, the little grey cat, is the worst cat I have ever seen in my entire life. To be clear, she is the worst cat at being a cat. She lacks most of the qualities that make cats, catlike. She can’t jump. Every time she attempts a jump, it’s a fail. She falls. She has no idea how to play. GIve her a toy and she swats at it oh so gingerly, once it’s out of arms length, she’s done.

Yesterday was my Baby Gurr’s 2nd birthday. She turned two years old. This coming weekend we will celebrate. She is now old enough to begin gardening, raking leaves, scooping poop out the back yard and weeding. All these will begin being taught on Friday.

“Life lessons learned early are life successes later.”

Do you like podcasts? Do you like crazy funny podcasts? The Black Guy Who Tips. I recommend it. It’s quite the funny.

Link to The Black Guy Who Tips

No Shave Never!

Paul

It’s Friday morning, 24 degrees outside and I’m loving it. I do not have to work today, being the best reason for loving this wonderful crisp humid brisk cold ass morning. Literally, I love this shit. Most southerners are mad, angry, pissed, scared, whining, confused, bum-fuddled and/or confused. Not me, I am happy, joyous, comfortable and most importantly not sweating.

I sweat like there is no tomorrow after the the sun has risen on the day in which tomorrow was tomorrow only yesterday. In the sultry summers of South Carolina, I go through socks and T shirts. Not just go through them daily, usually I have to throw away three to four pair a month and buy new, because I sweat death to cotton.

Most people look at my hair and beard and see glorious awesomeness. In the summer time, the question I get asked the most is; “How do you wear that beard in this hear?” Here is a little lesson, that I am going to teach you about how drink machines and air conditioners work. There is a thing called an evaporator. This is what the freon flows through. There are fins surrounding the main line. Air is pushed across the evaporator, creating a cooling effect, which in turns creates cool air.

This is an evaporator.

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My beard acts the same way as an evaporator. When sweat fills my face, my beard becomes wet, when I walk or the wind blows, a cooling effect is created. It’s also a great sunblock. None of that smelly ass sunscreen on my face, making me all sticky and shit. Yet another reason why beards are one of the greatest gifts you can ever give yourself. So much awesomeness and usefulness the beard provides.

This is why my heart brakes every time I see someone shave their beard because it’s summer time. These folks just do not know how beneficial that beard can be to them in the heat of the summer. The association between beards and heat retention in the winter time, has made people blind to how great of a cooling mechanism the beard is in the summer.

It’s my dog’s birthday today, Stoney. He is three years old. We have a fun filled day for him planned. A trip to Pet Smart, I might even let him sit in front of the cat adoption window. He will probably go by the guinea pig pen and he can lick the glass.

Balls up. Good times.

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No Shave Never

Paul